When snakes and ladders goes luxury

Ah, Snakes and Ladders. The timeless classic. A game of chance, frustration, and the occasional triumphant climb. Normally, you can pick up a perfectly good, factory-sealed version for the princely sum of R169. A bargain, really, for hours of family fun (and the quiet, simmering resentment that comes with landing on a particularly long snake).

But hold onto your dice, because Takealot has redefined the very concept of “pre-loved” with a Snakes and Ladders set that’s currently listed for a cool R9,799. Yes, you read that right. Nine thousand, seven hundred and ninety-nine Rand.

You might be thinking, “Surely, this is a mistake? Perhaps it’s gold-plated? Or maybe it comes with a tiny, trained cobra that actually moves the pieces?”

Alas, no. According to the listing, it is “unboxed.” Just… unboxed. That is it. It is like they took a perfectly ordinary Snakes and Ladders set, ripped open the packaging with the ferocity of a hungry mongoose, and decided that the sheer act of unveiling it had somehow imbued it with the value of a small car.

One can only imagine the meticulous process behind this price point. Did a team of highly trained sommeliers carefully sniff each ladder for its unique vintage? Did a panel of snake experts assess the realism of the painted reptiles, awarding points for verisimilitude? Is the board made from the tears of a thousand frustrated six-year-olds?

The product description is, understandably, sparse. “Unboxed Snakes and Ladders. Excellent condition.” Excellent condition for what? For being unboxed? For causing a mild existential crisis in anyone who dares to consider paying nearly ten grand for a game that usually costs less than a large pizza?

Perhaps the “unboxed” status is a clever marketing ploy. Maybe the lack of a box somehow enhances the gameplay experience. Does it make the snakes slither with a newfound sense of freedom? Do the ladders feel more liberating without their cardboard confines?

One can only speculate. Maybe this particular set was once owned by a celebrity. Perhaps it was used in a pivotal scene of a low-budget indie film. Or, more likely, someone simply lost the box, saw an opportunity to fleece the unwary, and decided to list it for a price that would make a diamond merchant blush.

The comments section, naturally, is a goldmine.

“Does it come with a personal therapist to help me deal with the emotional trauma of landing on a snake?” asks one bewildered customer.

“Is this the Snakes and Ladders set that was used to negotiate the Treaty of Versailles?” wonders another.

“I’d rather buy a real snake and train it to climb a ladder,” suggests a particularly resourceful individual.

Full disclosure: there weren’t really any comments. Takealot does not allow comments before one buys an item. The above were the verbal comments that erupted in the Gadget office when I asked the team if anyone wanted to buy the game.

If you are looking for a Snakes and Ladders set that will break the bank and leave you questioning your life choices, look no further. Takealot’s “unboxed” masterpiece is waiting for you. 

Just remember, when you are staring down at that R9,799 price tag, you are not just buying a game; you are buying an experience. An experience of pure, unadulterated, unboxed absurdity. And perhaps, a slightly lighter wallet.

* Sheryl Goldstuck is general manager of World Wide Worx and editor of GadgetWheels. Follow her on Bluesky on @crazycatbuzz.bsky.social.